Reclaim Your Writing Life as an INFJ

Jun 14

Let me paint a scene for you quickly.

You sit down at your desk, open the lid of your laptop (or open your fresh blank notebook), and then you freeze staring at the blankness. You’ve worked yourself up enough to get to the page, but now that you’re here… all the swirling ideas, the characters, dialogue… it’s just gone. You start to doubt yourself and your ability to write. Then the voices kick up and even though they’re in your head, you swear they’re screaming at you:

“You can’t hack it at this writing thing!”

“How are you going to write a book when you can’t even sit down and write 100 words consistently!”

“Look at all these other people who are doing it… there must be something wrong with me.”

Does any of this sound familiar to you? It does to me. And I’m betting if you identify as an INFJ or Intuitive Writer, it sounds familiar to you, too.

See, when we’re out of alignment with our true, authentic INFJ/Intuitive selves, we try to fit ourselves into these boxes that were not made for us. We try to live up to expectations and standards that were not developed for or suited to us. And when we fail (because we always fail in this scenario), we wonder what’s wrong with us.

I want to stop that self-shaming bullshit. There is NOTHING wrong with us. There is nothing wrong with any of us. It’s that we have different ways of approaching things.

It wasn’t until I found Lauren Sapala and her extensive knowledge of INFJs and writing that I realized why I struggled to write the way “other” people did. Because I was not born and built to do it that way! Every single time I’ve tried to fit myself into the boxes that other people claim is “the way,” the more and more resistance, failure, and shame I felt toward myself and my projects. The minute I released my grip on what I thought it was supposed to be/look like and leaned into my natural-born approach and intuition, was the minute I realized I am a writer and I can write successfully.

I was going to go into what all of this means but I subscribe to the work smarter, not harder theory. There are thousands (literally) of wonderful resources out there to learn more about what it means to be an INFJ or Intuitive Writer and how to capitalize on your gifts. I will share those resources with you at the end of this article. What I want to do, though, is give you real-life examples of how I’ve worked with this information to build a mostly daily writing habit and work on projects without feeling that guilt or shame that comes with writing the way we’re “taught” to do it.

Morning Pages

The first and most important step I took in reclaiming that word “writer” was to begin morning pages (which is a bit of a misnomer, you can do these pages any time of the day). The concept of morning pages isn’t new at all — and it’s a widely used practice that the amazing Julia Cameron made famous through The Artist’s Way. Here’s why I think morning pages are so effective though (especially for INFJ/Intuitive Writers) — there’s ZERO pressure. There’s no rules, no word count goal, no expectations other than writing whatever the hell you feel like writing. And what happened for me, is that I began to develop a relationship with myself and the page. A bond that is specific to me and my writing. My morning pages aren’t pretty. But they’re real, raw, and honest. I’ve learned to love myself through the page… I’ve learned to forgive myself through the page… most importantly, I’ve learned how to discover what I think/know about myself and the world through the page. I don’t think I could have moved onto other parts of my writing life without doing these morning pages first.

I resisted this idea of morning pages long before I actually took to them, so if you’re sitting here rolling your eyes, I get it! Trust me, I get it. But the BEST piece of advice I received (that I’m going to pass along to you) is this: be curious. Try it for one day and see what happens. You have nothing to lose by trying it, right? Maybe it doesn’t go so well… be curious about why that is. Literally — take to the page and ask yourself: why do I not want to do this? Why didn’t it work? See what happens.

Permission

The second step I took in reclaiming my role as a “writer” was to give myself permission. The permission TO write, the permission NOT to write. The permission to write something stupid or silly or inquisitive. The permission to write shitty, nonsensical first drafts. The permission to fully be me on the page. What happened when I did that? I felt empowered! I felt like a badass writer who knew that I wasn’t beholden to anyone except myself.

To take this a step further, I started giving myself permission to write about the things that interested me no matter what external or internal voices came up. I gave myself permission to write about my trauma. I gave myself permission to write a short story about alien body-snatchers who swap souls with others. I gave myself permission to explore the themes and topics that I wanted to explore and it opened up doorways I could never have imagined had I not given myself the permission to do so.

Using Kickstarters

There’s a lot of pressure that comes from this idea that we writers can just conjure up a book from nothing and put it on the page. There may be some creatives out there that can work that way (and I’m envious of them) but most of us need more than that. I need more than that. What I discovered in doing this work on myself as a writer was that I need certain things at certain times to help me get in the right frame of mind to write. Call it a “muse” or “inspiration” but I call it “kickstarters” — anything that helps me enter into my own personal writing mindset.

What does that look like in practice?

Listening to music that invokes the theme, vibe, essence of what I’m writing
Sensory specific items (like a candle) that keep me grounded and focused
Watching movies/shows that inspire me
Reading books/articles/stories that inspire me (The Right to Write is an exceptionally inspiring book for me, I re-read it every time I feel myself in a writing slump)
Setting aside specific “writing” time (which doesn’t always equate to actual writing)
Oracle/Tarot/Archetype cards to work from

Again, none of this is new information! And maybe you’re already using some of these in your writing life/practice (I actually DID some of these before I realized my INFJ/Intuitive writing nature). The difference for me happened with intention. When I intentionally use these kickstarters with the desire to write, what happens is magic.

I’ll repeat the same advice I gave earlier: be curious. Try using a kickstarter intentionally before you begin a writing project and see what happens.

Detaching

To me, this was hands down the hardest step for me to come to terms with because of the way our society emphasizes product over process. We have been conditioned to set expectations and standards for the things we produce, yet we often don’t stop to think of the why or the journey we need to take to get to that endpoint. But, in my experience, the minute I began detaching the process of writing from a specific outcome or goal, was the minute that you guessed it… things started to flow.

I find this theory of detaching from outcome to be true in many aspects of our lives, but since we’re talking about writing specifically, let’s look at what it means in creative practice. For me, it looks like this:

Having zero attachment to what my creative project is “supposed” to be or look like
Having zero attachment to when or how long it will take me to produce the creative project
Having zero attachment to who will read or find the creative project interesting/worthwhile/good

Let’s use this article as an example!

I started this piece with no attachment to how it would look like — the only thing I knew when I started writing this piece is that I wanted to share this life-changing knowledge with you. I began writing this piece with zero intentions of it being done in a single session or over a period of time. While I have lovely readers in mind while writing the piece, I have zero expectations as to whether you’ll like it or find it useful (#sorrynotsorry).

The end result of writing this article with a lack of attachment to the outcome is something that I’m happy with. While I think it might be a helpful resource for you, I don’t expect that of you. I’m proud to share what has worked (or not) for me. As a reader, it’s your job to take what works and leave the rest.

Resourcing

Lastly, the step that I come back to over and over again is resourcing. Leveraging and utilizing the gifts of others to feel connected, heard, and seen. Resourcing is such a wonderfully underutilized approach to all things in life. For me, resourcing looks like this:

Reading/learning from others who have come before me and figured all of this out!
Talking with other creatives who have also done the internal work of finding their authentic selves and want to support others in that endeavor too (shoutout to my Creative Empowerment Community and morning writing group who facilitate this kind of support every day!)
Asking for help when it’s needed

We do not exist in a vacuum. It takes an entire village/support system to live authentically and honestly. And the truth is — there are people out there who WANT to help others find that within themselves. You just have to be willing to listen, discuss and join in those conversations that are already happening.

Conclusion

We’ve come to the end of this article and as promised, I want to offer you the resources I’ve personally used (or am currently using) to find the support, guidance, and education I needed to become the writer I am today. Perhaps you will find them useful/helpful on your own writing journey.