Thoughts on Greenlights
I’ve become a big believer that the Universe gives us what we need when we need it — even if we don’t understand it exactly. Especially when we don’t know why. This is a reflection on how a book came to me exactly when I needed it.
I dove into Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey not expecting much. I’d heard a few things here and there about it but I like him as an actor and I needed something to listen to on my drive, so thought — why not?
I knew immediately that this book was going to surprise the hell out of me (spoiler alert: it did) when his introduction ended with:
We all step in shit from time to time. We hit roadblocks, we fuck up, we get fucked, we get sick, we don’t get what we want, we cross thousands of “could have done better”s and “wish that wouldn’t have happened”s in life. Stepping in shit is inevitable, so let’s either see it as good luck, or figure out how to do it less often.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (pp. 3–4). Crown. Kindle Edition.
I think it’s so damn true and relatable that I laughed out loud when I heard it. Yes! We can’t avoid stepping in shit. It’s how we deal with it that makes a difference, I thought.
But more than that, I think I was surprised about how down-to-earth and utterly relatable his stories were. Actually, scratch that. What I was most surprised with was how well he brought his stories back to life lessons that are honest, raw, and true (at least in my opinion). His words about life, love, mistakes, grace, and spirituality made me laugh, cry, swear, shake my head. His southern drawl oozed with so much sincerity that he made me want to drop to my knees and thank the universe for what I’ve been given.
If you’re a TLDR kind of person, this reflection piece will give you a snapshot of the lessons he extols in the book — but I seriously think everyone should give the book a try. It’s that good. Regardless, here are a few things I learned from Matthew McConaughey.
GREENLIGHTS THEORY
I don’t think I’ll ever look at traffic lights the same way again after Greenlights. McConaughey leans into the red, yellow, green light analogy so well that I find myself muttering “greenlight” when things are going well. Let me back up though and explain his theory. It’s pretty simple.
Greenlights= affirmation, approval, support, praise, birth, rebirth, health, success, joy, etc.
Yellowlights = detours, cautions, pausing, interruptions, disagreements, temporary pain.
Redlights = full stops, interventions, failure, suffering, punch to the gut, death.
His theory is that the red and yellow lights in life slow us down, make us stop and consider our lives (and sometimes reconsider). Sometimes red and yellow lights happen because we need them to happen. Sometimes, they turn into a greenlight in the rearview mirror. Sometimes, they remind us of what we’ve overcome when we’re in the midst of a greenlight succession.
I believe that the greenlights theory is to highlight the fact that yellow and red lights are inevitable (just like stepping in shit), but that when we slow down and consider the pause, the stop, the restarting aspect, we get perspective on what truly makes a greenlight.
While his book is peppered with nearly all greenlight stories, I couldn’t help but relate some of his experiences to mine. Especially the ones where an unexpected yellow or red light turned green.
It takes a while to recognize the payoffs for those yellow and red lights, but as I drove down a two-lane highway back home, I realized that one of the most traumatic events of my adulthood — a definite “redlight” — was actually the biggest greenlight I could have asked for. If it hadn’t been for that redlight moment, I wouldn’t be the person I am today… I wouldn’t have learned how to stand up for myself… to speak my truth. I wouldn’t have learned that people can appear wholesome and good on the outside yet rotten and horrible on the inside. In fact, that single redlight moment changed everything for me.
Greenlight.
CELEBRITIES AND PEDESTALS
I’ve always been a little curious (and a lot confused) about why people put celebrities on a pedestal. I understand revering someone for their craft. I understand respecting someone for achieving their dreams. What I don’t understand is why people think celebrities are above human nature.
McConaughey totally turns the tables on this theory in his book and I fucking. loved. it.
What do I mean? Right away, he lays out some basic “facts” about himself, and would you be surprised to find out that he was molested? That he was going to be a lawyer before he ever wanted to be an actor? That he went to college?
The answer should be: No.
Because Matthew McConaughey is, after all, human. He has a backstory. A life before his celebrity pedestal. So his life stories shouldn’t be all that surprising. Yet, for some reason most of us are surprised.
It was humbling to realize that this man had some of the same stories as I did. It was humbling to realize that he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life (just like I did). It was humbling to know that at the end of the day, he is a man who wants to live life the best he can.
Isn’t that what all of us really want?
WHO AM I?
While I loved hearing the stories about Matthew’s youth/childhood and relationship with his family, it was the honest and raw stories that held his deepest revelations that really piqued my interest.
I especially loved hearing about his very normal experiences that so many of us can relate to from studying abroad to choosing a college to a change in major and being terrified to tell parents. Asking the quintessential question of “What do I really want? Who do I really want to be?” Witnessing the loss of a parent.
Yes, yes, yes. Show me the real-life struggle. Show me revelations that I can relate to. It’s through these relatable stories — ones that touch on our core human nature — that we learn how to come home to ourselves.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
It would have been remiss of Matthew McConaughey not to mention his experiences of learning the craft. He did not disappoint. In fact, I found his experiences and subsequent revelations to be fascinating and in line with what I’ve been learning about my own craft.
In one particular story, he talks about becoming what he thought was a “serious actor” — you know, doing what “serious actors” do — like take an acting class. That’s what everyone told him he should do, so why not?
But the rigidity of what something is “supposed” to look like messed with his head. Made him doubt himself, his choices, his talents. He realized he had to throw out the “supposed to’s” and focus on what he wanted it to look like. [Side note: anyone else shaking their head, recognizing themselves in the irony. We strive to be better but when we let the ego and expectations get in the way, we lose sight of our why and zero in on the “how.”]
I adore the way he describes what he thinks is a “key” component of happiness:
The sooner we become less impressed with our life, our accomplishments, our career, our relationships, the prospects in front of us — the sooner we become less impressed and more involved with these things — the sooner we get better at them. We must be more than just happy to be here.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (pp. 111–113). Crown. Kindle Edition.
This reminds me so much of Julia Cameron’s book, The Right to Write (read my blog post about it). One of my biggest takeaways from that book was the importance of “not making things a big deal.” And that’s how I interpret his quote to mean as well. The less importance (ego) we fill our heads with, the more we realize the vastness of the world. We are but one tiny cog in the wheel of life. That’s both sobering and liberating, right? It is for me.
SILVER LININGS
At one point, McConaughey writes:
I have a lot of proof that the world is conspiring to make me happy.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 10). Crown. Kindle Edition.
I think he’s right.
I think we all have the ability to believe that. For me, it’s been the journaling that has helped me see the beautiful synchronicities in my life. Time and time again, the pattern I see is this: getting exactly what I needed when I needed it. Even if I didn’t know it at the time. There’s a rhythm to the seasons of our lives and for me, it comes alive when I reflect on what I’ve journaled about over the years. And there’s nothing more obvious than the pattern of resistance and surrender.
To me, this is proof of a universe showing up for me — it wants to see me happy — I’m just too stubborn to get out of my own way and let it.
IF ONLY
The first time I listened to his write-up of “if only,” I paused it and thought about what he said. I had agreed with nearly every single one of his previous write-ups. But this one punched me in the gut. It was this one, in particular, that gave me a visceral reaction.
if only
Means you wanted something but did not get it.
For some reason, either by your own incompetence or the world’s intervention, it did not happen.
Sometimes this is just the breaks and we need to bow out gracefully.
But more often than we care to admit, we don’t get what we want
because we quit early or we didn’t take the necessary risk to get it.
The more boots we put in the back side of our if onlys, the more we will get what we want.
Don’t walk the it’s too late it’s too soon tightrope until you die.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 138). Crown. Kindle Edition.
Ouch. I mean, hearing that for the first time, made me cringe. That can’t be true. There’s plenty of experiences that I can think of that don’t fit into those categories.
I was wrong.
I tried to think of all of the “if only's” in my life and I couldn’t find a single one that didn’t fit. And I also realized that the majority of them were because I was scared and quit early. Or I didn’t live up to my perceived expectations of myself.
I listened to his write-up seven more times until I realized, deep down in my bones, I knew what he was saying. Time is too damn short. Forget the “if only's” and live in the now.
Greenlight.
EMPOWERMENT
One of my favorite write-up’s in the entire book:
made for the moment
we are all made for every moment we encounter.
whether the moment makes us or we make the moment.
whether we are helpless in it or on top of it,
the predator or the prey.
we are made for that moment.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 139-140). Crown. Kindle Edition.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I can tell you that this idea feels empowering to me. When I really think about it, it means that I have the power to summon the strength that is inherent within me. I was made for this moment, I can imagine telling myself. There’s a sense of comfort in that knowledge, I guess.
This makes me want to tell the universe: go ahead, give me the next moment.
Greenlight.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I absolutely LOVE the story of Matthew’s experience with his A Time to Kill audition (which, I’ve always loved him in). It highlights the exact same theory I teach my students.
Be you. You are the character.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 141). Crown. Kindle Edition.
His advice may seem “simple” but it’s only by going within that we can fully become that character. That takes guts. It takes vulnerability and courage. It’s what gives his role so much power and authenticity.
When McConaughey threw out the noise and focused inward, he found exactly what he needed to bring to the table.
The same is true of writing. I tell my students to mine from their own life stories, biases, understanding, and lens of the world. You can always change it later, but at least it’s a place to start. Sometimes, when they’re stuck I ask them three questions that usually spur a reaction for further study:
What would you do?
What wouldn’t you do?
What do you want to do?
This is what I believe is the truest form of “writing what you know.”
The first time I “nailed” my craft in a way that felt hard-earned, it shocked the hell out of me. It was raw, vulnerable, lyrical. Heartbreaking and heart-mending. It was so very me. It was hard-earned because it came from being naked on the page. Bearing everything I had. I poured myself on the page and what developed was beautiful. Then, I did something similar to this:
Then, with tears in my eyes, I dropped to my knees, faced that full moon, extended my right hand up to it, and said, “Thank you.”
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 141). Crown. Kindle Edition.
There is something magical about putting your knees on the ground you walk on every day and surrendering to the moment. I remember being filled with only light, warmth, and gratitude. I wasn’t sure who or what I was grateful to or for, but it didn’t matter, really. I had never felt so loved by myself. It was such an enlightening moment.
I’m tempted to cry just thinking of that moment that was 100% made for me.
Greenlight.
WALKABOUTS
The entire section on “Why we all need a walkabout” is brilliant, but for brevity’s sake, let’s do a simple analogy.
Walkabout = being alone to ponder your thoughts with the intention to observe, listen and grow.
It’s basically the equivalent of what I call “Soulbbaticals” (read my post on that here). An intentional time to get honest with yourself. To reconsider your priorities and growth.
Walkabouts, soulbbaticals, spiritual realignments, it doesn’t matter what you call it — but I agree with Matthew — we all do need at least one.
BROTHER CHRISTIAN
I think the most memorable story in the book is that of McConaughey’s time with Brother Christian. It exemplifies and affirms what I know to be true about life and the way I view humanity.
I shared the demons of my mind for three and a half hours with Brother Christian. I took myself to the woodshed. He did not say a word. Not. One. He just patiently listened as we wandered side by side through the desert. At hour four we found ourselves back at the chapel sitting on a bench just outside the entrance. Now weeping, I eventually came to the end of my confession. We sat in silence while I awaited Christian’s judgment. Nothing. Finally, in the unrest of the stillness, I looked up. Brother Christian, who hadn’t said one word to me this entire time, looked me in the eyes and in almost a whisper, said to me, “Me, too.” Sometimes we don’t need advice. Sometimes we just need to hear we’re not the only one.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 149). Crown. Kindle Edition. [emphasis mine]
Tell me you don’t have goosebumps…
The need to connect and feel seen, heard, and understood is a shared human desire. Every single one of us wants it. And at the root of everything, being vulnerable enough to share and receive compassion can change everything.
Greenlight.
SURRENDERING
My word of the year is surrender. It’s been a very eye-opening, challenging, and enlightening road of exploration so far. When I ask others what “surrendering” looks like to them, I often get blank stares. But after listening to Matthew McConaughey talk about his trip in the Amazon, I can finally put words to what I think surrendering looks like in my mind:
In my tent, grappling with my demons, I couldn’t sleep, so I quit trying to. Instead, I stripped off my clothes, along with every badge, banner, expectation, and affiliation I had on me. I discarded my American baseball cap that was my totem to patriotism, the Celtic knot pendant that symbolized my Irish heritage, the Lone Star flag amulet that stood for my Texas pride, and every other mascot of inspiration from adventures past. I even discarded the gold ring my father had given me that was made from a meltdown of his and my mom’s class rings and gold from one of her teeth. I removed every idol that ever gave me comfort and security, pride, or confidence. All the window dressings and representations, the packaging around my product, was gone. I even punched myself in the face a couple of times for good measure. Who was I? Not only on this trip but in this life. Now naked and stripped down to nothing, I was only a child of God, and nothing more. Soaked in a cold sweat, I vomited until there was no bile left in my belly, then passed out from exhaustion.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 156). Crown. Kindle Edition.
It’s not the descriptions of the “how,” rather the feelings and visions he’s evoking that cemented it for me. I saw a beaten-down, spiritually starved man who had nothing left to give, so he gave the rest away, too. He surrendered himself to the Universe and asked the question we all so desperately want an answer to:
Who am I? What do I really want from life?
Inevitably, rebirth comes from surrender. And so does clarity.
The next day he woke up lighter and less burdened. He’d found clarity in the truth and he was ready to start again.
I think this story is a reminder that sometimes the best thing we can do is surrender and believe in the beautiful rebirth.
Greenlight.
GREENLIGHTS
This is hands down one of the best “conclusions” to a memoir that I’ve read. It’s not trite or overworked. It’s not full of well-meaning but unlived advice. I particularly enjoyed the explanation of his “why”:
Which brings me back to the other reason I wrote this book. I hope it can be useful and lend a hand if you need it, that it might teach you something, inspire you, make you laugh, remind you, help you forget, and arm you with some life tools to better march forward as more of yourself.
— McConaughey, Matthew. Greenlights (p. 288). Crown. Kindle Edition.
Mission accomplished, McConaughey.
Greenlight.
