The Allure of Simplifying Experiences
You know, dear readers, that I like to be honest with you. So I’m going to tell you a secret right off the bat:
I’ve tried to write this exact article probably fifteen different times. Each attempt (until this one) would end with me slamming my computer shut and feeling like a fraud. When I write these articles, there’s a “goal” attached. Sometimes that goal is to invite you into my life more deeply. Sometimes, it’s to share what I’ve learned about something specific. Often, it’s about transmuting experiences into lessons learned.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading so many relatable and beautiful articles or essays that I feel pressure to have an article like that for you this month. I wanted to produce something profound and enlightening… something you might return to later and think, “Yes, she said exactly what I’d been feeling.”
Ironically, it wasn’t until I read this article from one of my favorite writers, Nicole Antoinette, that I realized I was doing exactly what she described. I was trying to find some beautiful, insightful takeaways to share with you about this month’s theme. Some “lived it and learned it” advice to write about. And, seeing as how I did write two articles about it, I achieved that. But I’ll be honest, again, those articles are good, but they’re not that deep (at least in my opinion of what I know I can produce).
I used those articles to simplify the experiences of simplifying. And in a way, it worked. But perhaps this deep, inner feeling of “lack” stems from the place of “it’s not enough. They need raw, gritty, heart-wrenching words about these experiences.”
And that’s precisely what Nicole talks about in her article. We tend to want to take the things we’re going through and filter them through the lens of, “Okay, how did this change me? What lessons did I learn?”
But what if we don’t actually change that much? What if it’s a baby change?
And most importantly, what if we don’t have the capacity to turn our experiences into insight during a specific time in our lives? Are we, therefore, “fail” because we cannot produce Instagram-worthy revelations? Are we not learning anything at all, if not these big, life-changing “a-ha’s?”
I love this quote from Nicole’s piece and feel like it sums up how I felt about this article:
This absence of being changed by something is not remarkable on its own — what fascinates me is the way we often try to force ourselves and each other into a narrative of transformation, to the point where not being changed by something can make you feel like you’re doing it wrong.
That’s exactly why I failed every time I started to write this article. I was trying to fit what I’ve been through into some framework of transformation or wisdom gained. And friends, I don’t have much of that to share with you this month.
As I mentioned in my other articles, I have a lot going on in my life. And a lot of the “a lot-ness” means that my time, energy, and attention are being put toward those specific projects. So why did it feel so damn urgent… so damn important for me to try and extract some juicy wisdom for you?
I suppose that’s the price of admission (or so they say) when it comes to writing for public consumption. The idea is that what you have to say is worth hearing. And while I believe that everyone can and should write — no matter the subject — there is a certain expectation that hangs over your head when you write something for the explicit reason that you want someone to read it.
So the conclusion here is that while I have been in a place of abundant learning and navigating what it means to simplify my life, I’ve also learned that wanting to “simplify” my experiences and then alchemize them into something beautifully profound is a recipe for failure. We learn what we need to learn when we need to learn it. And no matter how much we want to extract meaning and wisdom from that learning, it will only arrive when it’s supposed to arrive and not on some pre-determined schedule for a monthly e-zine.
Perhaps the lesson in all of this is that in order to simplify, we must be okay with being in the “now.” We have to be okay with not being okay. We have to accept that our experiences may not always produce radical transformation or wisdom — that maybe, possibly, we simply need to experience it.
