My 2021
Every year, as I prepare to write this post, I look back to previous years and compare my thoughts, feelings, predictions, etc. This year is no different except that everything feels different. 2020 did a number on us all. When I read my post for 2020, I had to grieve a little bit for the optimistic, naive version of me who wrote it. I remember thinking to myself as I pushed publish: “Man, nothing can be as bad as 2019…”
Wrong. So, so, wrong.
It was by far one of the worst years I’ve had but at least this year, I don’t feel so alone in feeling that way. It kind of sucked for everyone this year.
All that being said, I decided to spend less time reviewing the shitstorm of 2020 and focus on 2021. Because there are a lot of things that 2020 did teach me.
I sat with my word of the year for a long time before deciding on moving forward with it. It’s a word that evokes a lot of emotions but I feel like that’s exactly what I need in 2021. So without further ado, my word of the year is:
To be honest, I never really thought much about this word until 2020. When I stepped into spirituality and the woo-woo world though, it was ALL around me. I kept trying to avoid it. I didn’t like it at first.
To me, the word stood for: defeat… giving up, or giving in…
But the more in-tune I’ve become with myself, my spirituality, and the bigger picture of life, I realize that to surrender means to be brave and strong. Because to me, surrendering touches on both elements of grief and relief.
Like with most things, you cannot have all benefits of the good without experiencing the bad — and surrendering feels a lot like that. Coming to a place of awareness and acceptance. And what this does (at least for me) is bring the sweet relief of permission to grieve. To grieve for the things that did and didn’t happen this past year. To grieve for the lives lost that I couldn’t save. Personally, it feels good to throw up my hands and say to the Universe:
“Yeah, okay, I get it. This year royally fucking sucked and a lot of things were lost. And I have no idea what 2021 will bring, but I’m giving everything I have to the belief that things will get better.”
I used to believe that surrender and trust were the same things, but there are some slight differences. I love the way the Threads of Fate Oracle Deck describes the difference:
Surrendering is accepting what is with no expectations of what will come next. Trust, on the flip side, is seeing a vision or outcome and believing you will get there eventually.
I like that both surrendering and trusting have their place and I suspect that 2021 will be a year that I employ both more often than not. But for once, it feels good to have a word that gives me permission to pull back and just be…rather than to promote doing.
Every year for posterity’s sake, I make a list of things that I did accomplish (more so for future me to read and say, oh hey, you actually did some shit!). To be fair to me, I actually accomplished more in 2020 than I realized… all while going through medical issues, a pandemic, a crazy election, and global unrest. So, there’s that, I guess.
I finally found my “lane” of services/products/offerings that aligned with my goals and values as a business owner.
I launched my Writing Fiction to Heal 12-Week Workshop
I launched my Creative Empowerment Community
I ushered students through two semesters of Initial Trauma Recovery Coaching Certification
I dedicated myself to creativity and rekindled my love of creating just because
I discovered spirituality and the woo-woo world
I shaved my head and embraced my natural gray hair
I spoke my truth for what I needed in my life which has been a difficult thing for me to do in the past
I saw a Medium, twice, and healed through the power of connection with loved ones that have passed
Published 20+ articles/blog posts (This is actually huge for me, given that I’ve not been terribly consistent, motivated, or inspired to write posts over the last year).
Did 357 card readings
Completed 5 intensive workshops/courses over the year
Went through 10 other courses/workshops
Built out 22 Notion Templates
When I look at that list, I kind of think… “But HOW?” That’s pretty normal, I guess, for those of us who do, do, do and never stop to see what it is we’re actually doing. A whole year can pass by with achievements galore, and whomp-whomp — we don’t see it at all. That’s partly why I do this end of year write-up for myself.
That being said, I don’t know that a single post or a bulleted list will do justice to the shitshow that was 2020. It feels like there are not enough words in the Universe to describe the pain, chaos, and suffering that we collectively experienced. But as it does, time will go on and we will learn how to talk about this year… just as we learned how to talk about 9/11. I, for one, am ready to see what diamonds we unearth from the coal of 2020.
