My 2020
As I was prepping to write my annual recap of the year, I couldn’t help but revisit my post from last year. Did I achieve the goals I set out to achieve in 2019? Did I honor my word of the year? Do I feel like I’ve grown?
The answer is complicated. 2019 was not an easy year. It was frustrating, confusing, and to be honest… a hot mess.
But in reviewing everything that shaped me over the past year, I realized that it was another year of growth in the most complicated of ways. My word of the year was balance (which I only slightly achieved), it should have been “unbecoming” because so much of the past year has been unraveling the threads of who I thought I was. At the end of 2018, I had no idea that so many things would change for me in the year ahead, but I suppose that’s life — the only constant thing in this world is change.
So here I am, at the end of 2019, preparing and wondering what the year ahead will bring for me. This year’s word was hard to settle on because there seemed to be so many that fit, but none of them felt as true as the one I have plastered all over my office walls now.
Becoming.
I reasoned with myself: if 2019 was the year of my unbecoming, then it makes sense that 2020 would be my year of becoming.
Ironic given that one of the last books I read in 2019 was, of course, Becoming by Michelle Obama. Choosing the word becoming wasn’t a nod to her or her book, but a pleasant happenstance that seemed to confirm my reason for choosing it for myself.
What does becoming actually mean though? According to Mirriam Webster, the definition of becoming is:
1a: to come into existence
b: to come to be
2: to undergo change or development
But, for me, I think it represents hope, intention, motivation, forgiveness, and acceptance. Mostly though, I think it takes some pressure off. It’s open-ended and fluid. It’s permission to get lost, struggle, play and do what I need to do to: become.
And after 2019, that’s exactly what I need to find myself again.
Despite the fact that a lot of shitty things went down in 2019, as I was compiling my list of accomplishments and goals achieved, I realized that there was so much more to the year than the shitty things.
For posterity’s sake, I wanted to recap a few things that happened in 2019 that have impacted who I am and what I’ll be doing in 2020:
I completed my Advanced Certification in Trauma Recovery Coaching and am nearly complete with my Supervisory Certification in Trauma Recovery Coaching. I’ve mentored students from all over the globe and watched as our “boots on the ground” dream has become a reality.
I completed my Journal to the Self Facilitator Certification and re-discovered a passion for journaling that I thought I’d lost a long time ago.
I joined the TLA Network and was accepted into the 2019 Your Right Livelihood Cohort which led me to a group of people that have changed my life for the better. A group of people who care deeply about the work they’re doing (and how it’s making a difference) and why we deserve to make a living at it.
I lost a job (and subsequently a big piece of myself) and I survived (not without a lot of battle wounds though).
I created and launched a writing workshop, twice. To be honest, this is one of the things I’m most proud of because my imposter syndrome was fierce and my self-confidence took a huge hit.
My husband and I bought and sold a house within a 3-month timespan.
I met my reading goal for the first time in years.
I developed and taught several classes within the IAOTRC association.
I channeled my creativity into creating websites.
Grieved the loss of both of my grandparents-in-law. They were beautiful souls and their presence in our lives is missed dearly.
I celebrated my 30th birthday and 7 years of marriage to my best friend and partner for life. For me, one of my greatest accomplishments in 2019 was falling even more in love with my husband and feeling good about our marriage. That’s not an easy feat — but we work hard at our marriage and I think it shows.
I began the process of reunification with estranged family members
So what does all this mean for 2020?
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. I know that I will continue to work on my dreams of helping other trauma survivors through coaching and expressive writing. I know I will be making creativity and self-care a daily priority. I can for sure say that I want to focus more on my personal relationships and being a good family member, friend and pet mama. But the specifics are up in the air. I think that’s okay though.
The journey and the process are the most important parts of becoming… so for now, I’ll lean into that and trust that I’ll become who I need to be this year.
