Show Me Your Struggle

Nov 2

Let me state this right away: if I see another #blessed or #livingmybestlife post on Instagram with a perfectly applied Lightroom preset and a clearly staged flat lay, I’m going to lose my ever-loving shit. Let me be clear though — it’s NOT the photo, the staging, or even the fucking preset that gets to me. It’s the perpetuated claim that it’s the “desirable” life to live. That everything is better if it’s glossed over, touched up, and perfect. It’s not reality. Yet, that is the standard by which we are told (in media, society, culture, etc) that we should be living by.

I’m tired of it. I’ve been tired of it. I’ve already reduced my social media consumption. I’ve taken to my journal to literally write out the differences between these “fake” lives and the reality that I not only experience but see in millions of others. But it’s not enough. There’s still a pervasive amount of pressure surrounding me (and so many others). What to do about it?

Fuck if I know. I’m pretty sure the people who have been studying these connections for years don’t know the true answer. Here’s what I do know though…

People who share themselves fully with integrity (see I can’t use the word authentic anymore because it’s been co-opted by people who are the exact opposite of authentic) are the ones I pay attention to.

What does that mean exactly? It means they show their struggles. They don’t hide behind pretty pictures of inauthenticity. They don’t pretend to have it figured out. They admit when they are wrong or struggling or questioning life the way so many of us do. And they do it to show others that Instagram and Facebook feeds are often nothing more than someone’s highlight reel.

This is not to say that I hope everyone fills their feeds or talks about all the terrible shit they’re going through, because I believe that so many people DO have moments of feeling #blessed or #livingtheirbestlife but that’s not all there is to life. Neither is the bad stuff. What I personally feel we’re missing is the both, and approach. That we can be both happy and sad. That we can have tremendously good things happen to us and really, awful shit. But sadly, that’s not the norm of what’s being represented.

I don’t need to spout off stats or regale you with the Frances Haugen story. You can research it and come to your own conclusions. This piece is more of a “planting-a-flag” for myself. A call to those who are also tired of being bombarded with less-than-reality discussions that never seem to touch on what it means to be living in a hard and mostly, unkind world.

This is me being courageous and asking other courageous individuals to buck the current system and do what so many people are afraid of doing — being real with each other.

Integrity and living in alignment with who I am are the cornerstones and values that I live by. I don’t shy away from talking about my abuse or being a trauma survivor. I don’t hide the fact that I have depression, anxiety and mental illness. I don’t lie to people when they ask, “is being a business owner hard?” I tell the truth as I know it. And sometimes, that truth is not pretty. It’s not what others want to hear. But I’m not on this earth to tell people what they want to hear. I’m here to tell people what I know to be true about MY life, MY experiences, MY situations. And if someone else can relate or understand those — then I’ve fulfilled my purpose.

I titled this piece “Show Me Your Struggle” because those are the people I want to hear from. People who are going through the human condition like we all are and are brave enough to cut through the bullshit and talk about it. Those who are able to say: Yes, today was a good day, but yesterday, I spent all day in bed. Those who are willing to go there and admit that even though they’re working two jobs, taking care of children at home, trying to live their best and life… they are still struggling. Those are the people I will give my time and attention to. Those are the people I want to support and lift up because they’re not afraid to be honest. They’re not afraid to show us what it looks like to be both, and.

There are a few entrepreneurs I follow who are popular but may not have as much “klout” or “success” as their counterparts because they continue to show the struggle, but you know what? Those are the business people I want to surround myself with. Those are the companies I will purchase from. Those are the role models I look to when I’m feeling stuck or fraud-y or down. They don’t have it all figured out. They don’t have all the answers. But they don’t pretend they do, either.

I for one, have too much work to do in this world to pretend I’m anything that I’m not.

So I’m begging you, reader, if you are feeling like you don’t have it all together or your struggles feel insurmountable — talk about it. Show it to me. Because I guarantee you will find and feel what so many others feel in those moments… a community of others who struggle too. Show me your struggles and I will show you compassion. Show me your struggles and I will show you relatability. Show me your struggles and I will hold space for you. Because that’s the reality. That’s where the magic really happens. We are inherently not alone in what we’re feeling or going through. Subsequently, we don’t heal alone, either. Let’s change the narrative together and encourage our fellow humans that struggling isn’t a bad thing — rather it’s something that connects us together in undeniable and collective ways. Let’s help each other heal by being real and honest.

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Looking for a safe and supportive community to share your struggles with? In The Write Minded Community, we use writing, connection, and creativity to bring our struggles to light, together.