Quietly Ambitious Childhood Joy
I’ve been thinking a lot about childhood joy again. Every few years, I seem to go through a shift where I think back to what lit me up as a child. The truth is, most of what I loved to do as a child has carried through in my adult years — namely, reading and writing. But there are a few things that haven’t.
There are a few things that have fallen off the wagon for one reason or another. I even wrote an article back in 2019 called Just Dance, Dance, Dance about one particular such thing (which should be obvious by its title). Even re-reading that article reminded me that as much as I thought writing that would implore me to do more of it, I haven’t. And yet again, I’m itching to get back to it.
But this time, I have a new outlook. This new quietly ambitious way of looking at my goals. And I’ve decided that getting back to dancing, for myself, for the pure joy of it, is something I want to do again. It’s become a quietly ambitious goal.
A goal that doesn’t have to have pressure attached to it, and therefore, no shame. No punishment.
This release of pressure actually gives me permission to feel excited about the prospect of getting back into something once lost. It gives me a little thrill to start exploring my options of how I want to jump back into the world of dance and find where I belong.
And to be frank, with all the health issues I’ve faced in the last few years, I’ve found it extremely difficult to get back into my body. I have a feeling that the entry point to get back there — into feeling into my body is through dance. It’s always been the only time I’ve really felt good in my body.
Except when it hasn’t.
That’s the struggle. The obstacle.
But the obstacle is the way, right? There is healing to be done, I’m sure. But I’m ready for the challenge.
In fact, so ready that I surprised myself when the opportunity fell into my lap to sign up for instructor training in a dance fitness class I’d been lusting over the last few months.
You see, where I live (over an hour from the “big city”) there really aren’t any dance classes for adults. Over the years, I’ve tried to find what I’m looking for only to be disappointed. There’s been a handful of Zumba classes and maybe a few stray dance classes taught at the YMCA or local gyms, but nothing that has felt like the right fit.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon @bigkidrick’s IG that my eye lit up like they did when I was a kid. And when the camera spanned his classroom and I saw his students, I was even more impressed. They have bodies like mine! Hell, HE has a body like mine. And they look DAMN good out there!
And he made dance fitness look like so much damn fun again. I said to myself. I WANT THAT CLASS! But guess what? No one teaches that class anywhere near me.
So I did what I do… I looked around and realized that the instructor training was the only way I was going to be able to find out how to learn how to get back into dancing like this. Additionally… if I wanted to take classes like this… I was going to have to make them.
The other childhood joy that I haven’t revisited until recently is roller skating. I haven’t been in a pair of roller skates in probably a decade or more. Nor have I had the desire to be in a pair in more than a decade. Then, I found Jenna Davis and her Instagram videos and I immediately fell in love with her and the way she made roller skating seem so damn joyous.
Not only does she skate with joy and that beautiful smile, she skates so well and with a body that is so average and resonates with me and so many women I know. She inspires me. She makes me think, “huh, maybe I can do that! Maybe I can put on a pair of skates and learn how to do that, too?”
And I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve felt the desire to want to try something new physically. I am a creature of habit. I love kickboxing. I love dancing. But as far as other modes of fitness/movement go, I’m not generally a fan of much else. Or I should say, at this point in my life, I haven’t been a fan (people can change!).
So for me to want to try something new like this is HUGE.
And that’s how I know this is another quietly ambitious goal I want to work toward.
Given that winter is still clinging tight to my neck of the woods in Minnesota, it seems like I won’t be able to give this a go for another couple of months, but I’ve already promised myself that when the last vestiges of snow have disappeared, I’m going to get a pair of roller skates and begin the process.
And I know it will suck at first. I will not be good. I will fall on my ass. A lot. I will get scuffed up. I will be bruised and cut up. I expect that.
But I also think that I will improve. I think… if I can approach this with all my quietly ambitious self, I can find joy in the process and the progress.
Who knows… maybe a year from now, I will be the one posting videos of myself dancing on roller skates.
I won’t put that pressure on myself though. I am going into it with an open heart and a quietly ambitious mind.
Whatever happens next is just the cherry on top.
