Change Starts With You
Here’s a not-so-secret fact about me: sometimes, certain topics in my life have a theme song. I know, crazy, right? For example, when someone brings up the word happiness, I cannot help but hear Pharrell singing “Happy.” When I tell my students they need to put their characters under pressure, I hear Queen and David Bowie’s voices in harmony on “Under Pressure.” And when I hear the word change, Michael Jackson’s infamous “Man in the Mirror” pounds in my ears. (Linking it here because it’s too much of a classic not to).
The thing about “Man in the Mirror” is that the concept holds up even today. And the cliche of “be the change you wish to see in the world” is a cliche for a reason. It’s my opinion that it’s true.
It was always my dream to be a writer that makes a difference. Someone who helps others find their voice to change the status quo or rebel against social injustices. But I look back now and see that I couldn’t have helped others change without first looking inward and making changes within myself first.
Writing to Change Ourselves
I believe the first step to facilitating any sort of writing for change is to start by looking at the Wo[Man] in the mirror. We must be willing to be as honest and vulnerable on the page with ourselves as much as we are willing to be honest and vulnerable in writing for others. In fact, I’d say it’s even more important to be as truthful and introspective in our private writing because it’s there that we come to understand ourselves. We come to understand where we really stand on issues, and how we have been complicit in actions that are counterintuitive to what we want to change. We come to understand what steps or actions we must take to become the change.
When I tell people about this belief, they often think I mean bashing or shaming ourselves for our past misdeeds but that’s not what I’m talking about at all. I’m talking about giving ourselves a chance to see who we are through our own lenses and how that affects the way we facilitate changes within ourselves and beyond.
Mini Case Study
My family members will give it to you straight — I was an angsty teenager. I was always angry, always combative, and argumentative. Anger and melancholy were my main operating models and it wasn’t until I started to look inside of myself and get to know the true emotions that I began to evolve from that angry, angsty teenager into who I am today. Though my education in trauma recovery helped me direct some of these introspections, I can confidently say that it was journaling and writing that made the difference. I didn’t learn about myself in therapy (no matter how hard the therapist tried). I didn’t learn why I was an angry, angsty teen by working with a coach (even though I’ve learned a lot of really useful and valuable things that way). No, I learned why I was angry and angsty by writing about it. By getting curious about myself and my actions and behaviors and thought patterns. It wasn’t until I showed up to the page as honestly and vulnerably as I could that things started to shift. And it’s not easy work. It’s emotionally exhausting. But it’s worth it.
But how?
Once I explain this theory to people, their next question is always the same.
“But HOW do I write for change within myself?”
It’s simple, but not easy. The “how” is all about how willing you are to put yourself on the page and ask for the truth.
For example: Let’s say that you are interested in doing some racial injustice work. You want to lend your voice to the cause and help facilitate a real change in the world around it.
Before you can even lend your time/energy/money to the cause, you should be doing the internal work first. By journaling and asking questions about how you feel about racial injustice, you’ll begin to notice where you need to evolve yourself. Again, this isn’t easy because the truth is that you’ll find areas of bias. You’ll discover that there have been times in your life when you’ve been complicit in perpetuating the injustice. This is not to say you’re a bad person. Rather, it’s realizing that you’re human and that humans are deeply complex individuals. But it’s also our human nature that allows us to realize the changes that are necessary to become a better human.
This deep, self-introspecting journaling works on every level of change too. I’ve used it for things like:
Weight loss and body acceptance
Arguments with others
Relationship issues
Intersectional Issues
Trauma responses
Maladaptive coping mechanisms
While there are many ways you can begin this introspective work, including prompts, (I love this set of prompts from Disorient and this one from Ibram X. Kendi on anti-racist work) the best place to start is with one single question: “why?”
Putting It Into Practice
So let’s practice. Let’s say I’m interested in changing a policy within my local community around stray cats. It’s a big issue and while it’s not on a global scale, it’s something I care deeply about. But before I can even take my thoughts to those in the power of making those changes, I need to get really clear on why this is an issue I care about changing. So I would start with:
Journaling Q: “Why do I care about this issue?”
Journaling A: Because society so often discards strays as being a nuisance, as being something they can transport to a shelter or a vet to be euthanized or put up for adoption. I care because I believe animals have as much of a right to our earth as we do.
Okay, so we’ve got a bit of the “why” (truthfully, I can go deeper, but for the purposes of this article, I’m trying to stay concise). Next, I would ask myself why I think something needs to change about it.
Journaling Q: “Why do I think a policy around this issue needs to be changed?”
Journaling A: Because 99% of the time, it is OUR fault that we have so many strays. Between the lax attitude toward spaying and neutering and refusing to take action, we allow hundreds of thousands of cats to reproduce in the wild and then get mad when they do what cats were born to do.
The next thing I might ask myself is:
Journaling Q: “Why and how have I been complicit in prohibiting this change?”
Journaling A: I have not taken the time or energy to actively work toward a solution for this change. I have not donated my time or money to the existing resources that could make a change and I have not used my knowledge or education to inform others as to why this is an important issue. There are already programs set up to help trap, neuter, and release stray cats to help keep the reproduction down which leads to fewer cats being born in the wild, which leads to fewer cats being killed or euthanized.
Do you see where I’m going with this? Already, I’m starting to see that if I’m unwilling to get into the arena with others who are actively trying to make this change possible, then my non-action is part of the problem. And if I want to see a change around this issue, it’s probably time that I get off my ass and take some action myself.
Here’s what would have happened if I hadn’t done some introspection work around this issue: I would have donated some canned food and blankets to the local shelter and thought that was “good enough.” And while donations are important, that’s not where the change is happening. That’s not what will facilitate a true change in policy. So if this is an issue that I really wish to see a change in, then I have to work out how I’m complicit and what actions I can take within myself to facilitate the larger change.
Conclusion
The desire for change is a powerful motivator. Wishing to make the world a better place is an admirable quality. But if we don’t have a deep understanding of our own internal motivations and how we can become a better human to enact those changes, then... nothing changes. The best thing we can do for ourselves is learning about who we really are and examine our beliefs in an authentic way. It’s uncomfortable and heartbreaking work sometimes, but I can honestly say that I’ve never regretted doing the work. I’ve never thought to myself, “hmm, learning about what makes me tick and the biases I have was a really bad idea.” Getting to know your true self is never a bad idea. So this is my call to action to you — is there a change you wish to see in the world? How can you take a step back and look at the Wo[Man] in the mirror and make those changes?
